Greetings: Part three.

The Integratron.

In October of 2014 I traveled to Los Angeles for a long overdue visit with three of my closest and oldest friends. Kathy, my closest friend had just given birth to her first child, and I was eager spend time with her and the new baby. I had never been to LA before and was really excited to explore some of the great attractions it had to offer, including a rich occult history. Not only are there a myriad of great metaphysical stores and other quirky offerings, but it also houses such gems as Manly P. Hall’s The Philosophical Research Society library, and a Tesla coil at the Observatory on top of Griffith Park I was really jazzed about. Rounding out the trio of ladies I was planning to see on my trip that year was Kathy and I’s close friend Jessie, and a friend of mine from elementary school named Melissa who I had just recently rekindled a long absent friendship with. Melissa had been living in LA since 2003 which is about the last time we had briefly seen each other, so I was really excited to reunite with her at her home in Topanga Canyon.

Now if you’ve never been to Topanga Canyon, I highly recommend making it apart of your agenda when visiting Southern California. It is a beautiful, magical place full of wildlife and eccentric artsy people. The main street has some great little shops and cafes, and their farmers market was one of the best I’ve ever been to boasting fantastic organic produce, local dairy products, and old hippies peddling their wares. But if your short on time, this place may not be for you. It’s much slower paced than its neighboring counties, which can be a blessing but also a time warp. I literally stood in line to buy nuts for 30 minutes while the one person in front of me, a shirtless 75-year-old man wearing a crystal encrusted necklace the size of a bib, talked to the man behind the booth counter about how amazing raw almonds were, sampled every nut available with conversation, then proceeded to pay, forget he had paid, then argue with the merchant and insist on paying him again. I’m 100 percent sure drugs were involved and it was one of the highlights of my trip. Also, the nuts were great.

When I met Melissa at her home, it was like no time had passed at all. We were the same 11-year-old girls tearfully saying our good byes when we were separated by my families move to Virginia Beach in the early 1990s. The next few hours were spent catching up, enjoying the scenery and playing with Melissa’s daughter before we jumped into the car, and headed out to the desert at dusk. Our destination: Joshua Tree and the Integratron.

Oddly enough, it was a seemingly random event that ultimately led us to the Integratron that year. My mother had caught an episode of Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations, a show she never watched. While folding laundry one night, she flipped on the TV, only to have it open directly on the Travel Channel. Right as she was about to change the channel she heard Mr Bourdain talking about George Van Tassel and the Integratron. “How have I never heard of this guy?” she thought. She immediately looked him up on the internet and called me. “Tiff, have you ever heard of George Van Tassel?” she asked. “No, why?” I replied. “Well get ready for this,” she said and went on to explain the strange tale of George Van Tassel and his Integratron. I will not recount the entire story here for the sake of brevity but there’s a ton of great information on the internet about him and I highly recommend you look it up. The long and short of it is this: George Van Tassel claimed to be in contact with an alien intelligence at Big Rock near Landers California in the early 1950s which ultimately led him to build the Integratron. So what exactly is the Integratron? In their own words, “The Integratron is the fusion of art, magic and science. This historical structure is a resonant tabernacle and energy machine sited on a powerful geomagnetic vortex in the magical Mojave Desert.” Well, I was sold. “Tiff you have to go there when you’re in California. It’s not that far from LA near Joshua Tree,” she told me. “Oh I’m going there!” I replied while simultaneously emailing them to set up a private tour and sound bath.

I had always wanted to go to Joshua Tree for their Contact in the Desert conference, but the fascinating story of George Van Tassel had somehow escaped me. While driving that evening, Melissa and I chatted a little bit about what had ultimately led me to seek out the Integratron in the first place, and I opened up to her about some of my experiences. “You know I saw a UFO once back in our old neighborhood when were kids,” she said. “Whaaat?” I said as I slowly turned to face her. “Yeah,” she nodded. “I was playing outside with my brother. It was still a little light outside, just starting to get dark. I was at the top of a hill and looked up into the sky to see a large silver disk hovering above the tree I was standing near. I tried to get my brothers attention, who was at the bottom of the hill. I ran down the hill to grab him and pull him back up with me while I pointed up into the sky shouting ‘Look, look!’ He thought I was pointing to the chimney of a house and I remember being so frustrated. ‘No, behind the chimney!’ I shouted at him. But he couldn’t see what I was pointing to. By that time the disk had started to recede and ultimately disappear. I couldn’t believe that he couldn’t see it. I tried to tell him what I had seen but he didn’t believe me.” “Whoa, that’s amazing Melissa!” I said astonished. “Yeah. A few years later I had a visitation from a small hooded figure while I was laying on the floor in my brothers room.” Again I was floored, “Tell me what happened,” I urged. “Well I was laying on the floor trying to fall asleep one night, but I was still awake. I started to feel an energy move through me. At first it didn’t scare me. I could feel it move through me then exit. Then enter me again then exit again. It went on like that for a while and then it started to really freak me out. Finally the energy entered my body and didn’t leave. I became paralyzed with my eyes wide open. The sound changed, as if someone was holding two seashells over my ears. It was like a hollow sound. And then there appeared a figure at the base of my feet. It was cloaked, about 3 feet tall. I was completely frozen. I couldn’t even bend my fingers as hard as I tried. Then the figure faded away, my hearing slowly came back to normal and I was able to move again. I was too scared to move for a while, but finally I got up. I didn’t know what to do, so I paced around trying to avoid the area where I had seen the figure. I ultimately went into the hallway and paced there for about 20 minutes before deciding to sleep with my parents. I woke up every hour on the hour that night sweating and terrified. For the next few years, I felt the same energy enter and exit my body at night. I would be paralyzed and really scared. It happened almost every night or every other night. Sometimes there would be weeks it didn’t happen and I’d be so relieved. I was afraid to go to bed at night, but I don’t remember ever seeing the figure again.”  “Well I’ve obviously asked the right person to join me on this trip.” I thought.

“Psst, hey… You asleep?”

We arrived at Joshua Tree around 10pm that night, checked into our little roadside motel, and tucked ourselves in to what I can only described as a blanketed brick. After a very stiff night’s sleep we rose early the next morning, and headed out to the Integratron. Once there, we were greeted by one of their friendly employees and shown to a lovely waiting area outside. There were hammocks and a beautiful succulent garden. When it was our time to enter, we were escorted to the first floor of the building where we were shown pictures and given a little lecture on the history of the Integratron. We were then instructed to remove our shoes and climb up to the top floor. When we reached the top of the ladder, we entered in to an expansive round room with a high domed ceiling. Our host and sound bath musician had us stand at different places to experience the amazing acoustic properties of the building and instructed us to grab a blanket and pillow. We were to lay down opposite each other with our heads nearly touching in the middle of the room. There were a series of huge crystal bowls gathered at one edge of the space that our host began to play. The sound of the bowls resonated powerfully through the air and permeated my body. I saw colors and had some dreamy visions I can’t currently remember, but nothing really significant happened. It was just a relaxing and wonderful experience all around. After our hour was up, we felt refreshed and went on about our day heading over to Joshua Tree National Park where we spent a few hours taking in the sights and burning to a crisp. Then we hit a few shops, a rock show and got lunch at Pappy and Harrietts. All in all, a wonderful trip and a truly magical time.

The rest of my trip was great too. I caught up with my other friends and saw the sights. I hit a few metaphysical shops, had some readings and spent way too much money on cold pressed juice. I was sad to have to leave but decided I would try and make the trip out once a year if I could. I said my goodbyes and boarded my flight home, an empty red eye. All three seats to myself, praise the gods!

Back in Virginia life continued on as usual. Our restaurant was still open and we were getting into our busy season so that was taking up a lot of my time. One evening not too far into fall, my husband and I were called on to attend a small charity potluck at a friend’s restaurant. That night seemed to chug along like normal. We mingled, talked shop, and raised money for a great local charity. I was sitting at the bar sipping my wine when the girlfriend of one of our colleagues came over for a chat. Rene and I didn’t know each other well so we opened our conversation with the usual idle chit chat. I asked about how her master’s program was going, she asked me about the restaurant etc. Then the conversation turned to her training as a natural practitioner, so I felt comfortable telling her about my side business. “Oh wow, past life regression. That’s great. My dad does past life regression too.” She said. “Really?” I asked. “Yeah, you should totally come to my parents’ house for dinner some time. I’m sure he’d love to talk to you. He’s an abductee.” “An alien abductee?” I asked surprised. “Yeah,” she replied casually. “Um, I’d love to get in touch with him.” I said. I was pleasantly surprised at the turn of our conversation. “Does he have an email address I could use to contact him? I’ve actually been looking for someone to regress me.” “Yes,” she said and I took down his information.

About a month later Rene came to me for a tarot reading and after our session asked if I had had a chance to email her father. I had gotten wrapped up with work and completely forgotten to contact him so I made it a point to draft him a letter that evening while lying in bed. After emailing Rene’s dad about my “dream” experience with the so called Martians and a possible regression appointment, I laid back and reflected on my day. It had been an emotional one as I had had two back to back readings involving the untimely deaths of my clients loved ones. I thought about my clients, and mulled over the odd conversation with Rene the month earlier. What had led her to tell me about her dad being an abductee? It’s a bit of a leap to assume anyone, even in the natural healing community would be open to the kind of information unsolicited, i thought. I couldn’t sleep, so I picked up my phone again and went back to her dad’s website. He was a master woodworker and as I looked through his gallery admiring his craft I couldn’t help but notice a few of his pieces looking very much like space ships. “That’s odd,” I thought, but I decided I was just seeing something that wasn’t there, put my phone down and turned over on my side to sleep.

Almost immediately after turning over I heard a very loud wooshing noise in my ears and felt an energy start to pulse through my body.  I became very tingly and I immediately recognized these as the onset symptoms of an OBE. I waited for the familiar paralysis and  drift out, but it didn’t come. I was still wide awake just lying there feeling the energy and hearing the noise when something very very strange happened. Something that has never happened to me before. I separated from myself, but I was still aware of my physical body lying on the bed. It was not at all like the OBEs I was used to. I was altogether in two places at the same time, aware of both, and still able to move my physical body. It was an amazing feeling of expansion, mentally and physically. The only thing I’ve ever heard described as similar, is from some of the books I’ve read on remote viewing. I then found myself hovering at the entrance to a huge swirling tunnel of clouds. The noise in my ears grew louder and louder, going from a steady woosh to a pulsating whoam whoam whoam whoam whoam. The tunnel started to expand and swirl faster. I was slowly being sucked into and down the tube of clouds. The sound pulsed louder and louder until it almost became deafening before fading into a static-y white noise with what sounded like radio channel distortion. I was then aware of three very tall and skinny humanoid looking beings made of what looked like light, waiting at the far end of the tunnel. “Oh shit!” I thought. “Shit, shit shit… what is happening right now?!” I was drifting faster. Something was dragging me in like a tractor beam sucking me towards the end of the tunnel. The entities features were obscured by the intense light being emitted from either them or what was at the end of the tunnel, but I could see the spindly outline of their bodies, long arms and legs. When the static in my ears started to clear up and I could hear what it I thought was talking. I couldn’t quite understand what was being said but I had a feeling the beings were trying to communicate with me. “What’s going to happen to me when I get to the end of this tunnel?” I thought. I started to become paranoid, then I panicked. “I can’t do this, I can’t do this!” Immediately the tunnel vanished, the noise ceased and the beings were gone. I was wholly back in my world, lying on my side in bed.

I sat up and looked around the room.  What had just happened to me? Who were those beings? And why was I such a coward?! “Dammit Tiffany! An amazing opportunity squandered because for your fear!” I was so disappointed in myself. I steeled my nerves, laid back down again trying to recreated the experience and tap back in to whatever had occurred. Nothing happened. No sound, no energy, no nothing. I rolled onto my back and went to sleep.

The next day all I could think about was my crazy experience from the night before. I went over it again and again in my mind. What exactly had happened? Were those aliens? Spirits? I went over exactly what I was thinking when it happened. How I had been laying. Had I done anything different? The sound in my ears. The tunnel of clouds. The color of the clouds. The way the beings looked. Every little detail was logged. The only conclusion that I could come to was, some beings unknown were trying to get my attention.

That night I went to bed really tired, so I tried to push the previous night out of my mind and get some sleep. No sooner had I laid my head to the pillow did I start hearing that same static noise in my ear. Again I could hear the distortion like a crackling radio station. My eyes were closed and I started to see an image form in my mind. It was an image I had no control over. A face. The face of a “grey” like alien. There were three faces actually, with a larger face in the foreground and two smaller faces in the background. Startled and a little scared I said “Um, Hello?” I then heard the crackling static noise clear up enough to hear a voice say very forcefully, “Listen, we have something important to say.” “Who are you?” I asked? Their reply was much more forceful. “Listen, we need to tell you something very important… 0 0 1 2 3 1 2 3 6.” “What? I don’t understand.” I said. “Listen!” was again the reply with frustration. “You must remember 0 0 1 2 3 1 2 3 6, 0 0 1 2 3 1 2 3 6, 0 0 1 2 3 1 2 3 6!” As soon as it had started it was over. The faces faded away, the noise ceased. I flew to my side table, grabbed a pen and wrote down the number. What the hell was that? 0 0 1 2 3 1 2 3 6? I was totally freaked out. The forceful nature of the communication made me nervous. They hadn’t been mean per se, but they certainly weren’t all love and light either. Maybe they were irritated with me from the previous nights aborted tunnel fiasco. But honestly, can you blame me? I’m used to weird paranormal things happening to me on a daily basis but that doesn’t mean it gets any less scary when crazy fucking floating alien heads and cloud tunnels interrupt your bedtime.

The next morning I called my mom to tell her what had happened first thing. “Can you get lunch?” she asked. “I want to discuss this with you further.” We went to our local Mexican restaurant where I quietly explained everything that happened starting with the firsts nights’ experience and ending it with the number sequence event the night before. I can only imagine what our waiter would have thought if he had overheard our conversation that day. “I think it has to do with your visit to the Integratron.” My mom said in a whisper. “What? No.” I said. “What makes you think that?” “Well look at the whole reason you went there in the first place.” She replied. “You went there looking for an experience, to connect.” “What do you think the numbers mean?” I asked. “I looked up a bunch of options on the internet last night.” I said. “ I thought, maybe it’s a code so I looked up codex’s. I looked up binary code. I looked up phone numbers. I looked up everything I could think of.” “It sounds like a coordinate. Did you try putting it into Google maps?” my mom said. “No, I haven’t.” I said as I typed the number into the google maps search bar. “Anything?” she said. “No, it’s just rerouting it to some neighborhood in Mechanicville.” I replied. “Its cutting off part of the numbers I think.” “Try it again,” she said. “Same neighborhood.” I replied. “It just keeps kicking it over to this same neighborhood. It’s not significant. I didn’t know what I thought I was going to find anyway.” “Well look at the neighborhood. Maybe you should go there and see if anything happens.” “Mom, I don’t think aliens would make it a point to send me to some neighborhood in Mechanicsville, Va.” I said sarcastically as I typed the numbers in again. Right then I noticed something I hadn’t before, the neighborhood street names. “Oh shit, the street says Tiffany Lane.” I said. “What?!” my mom said surprised “See I told you it was something!” “It’s just a coincidence Mom.” “Really? You don’t believe in coincidences. And it’s your name. Not just your first name but your last name too! If you’d ever change it to your married name.” I was just about to wave it off again when my mouth fell open in shock. “What?!” my mom said. There above Tiffany Lane was Joshua Tree Lane. I showed my mom my phone. “Holy shit!” she said. “It’s a message.” I was just baffled. I wanted to see the writing on the wall but it all sounded so crazy. My rational mind just wanted to say “No, this is just some crazy coincidence. That’s all.” But seriously, what are the odds?

I put those numbers into that Google Maps search bar 100 times and it kept coming up with the same neighborhood. I drove out there the next day not sure what I’d find. I found nothing unusual. Just a series of regular streets and regular houses. I called my friend Noelle, on my way home. I had to tell someone else about this whole thing to see if I sounded like a lunatic. My friend Noelle is very practical but never judges me, so I knew she was the person to ask. “That’s crazy!” she said after I had told her the tale. “I believe you, but it does sound unbelievable. What are the odds of that happening though? Its seems too high to just be a coincidence. I don’t think it’s a coincidence.”

A day later my phone rang. It was Noelle. “You won’t believe what just happened.” She said out of breath “What? Is everything ok?” I asked. “Yes, but this is really crazy. I couldn’t stop thinking about your experience you told me about yesterday and what the odds were of Tiffany Lane and Joshua Tree Lane showing up on the map together after typing in those numbers. I was writing out a check to our plumber just now, to put it in the mail. His address was on Tiffany Lane in Mechanicsville.”

Authors note: If you type 0 0 1 2 3 1 2 3 6 in to Google Maps today, the map of a small town in Brazil shows up. It looks like an empty lot between two houses. No numbers get cut off and it does not reroute to the neighborhood in Mechanicsville, Va.

*Some names have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.

Greetings: Part two.

After my regression I really upped my consumption of all things Alien. I had also just started dating my husband and was desperately trying to seem “normal”. I was just a normal girl, who had a normal job waiting tables, who liked a normal guy working as a chef. As far as he was concerned I was just one of those girls into astrology and crystals, and all that “new age bullshit” girls like. To say I kept all the psychic and extraterrestrial stuff a secret from him for a long time is a huge understatement. I was terrified he’d think I was crazy, and I really liked this guy, so I kept a lid on it. It wasn’t until we moved in together that I tentatively brought up the topic of my paranormal experiences. I told him he’d most likely experience some things because he’d be living in close proximity to me now. I’ll never forget the look on his face, it was literally “What have I gotten myself into with this chick?” But 9 years, and a haunted house later my husband is a true believer, although I still don’t share everything with him.

As the next few years past I got really wrapped up in work. We had decided to buy a house in the summer of 2009 and mortgage payments were my first priority. I was working 3 jobs waiting tables, bartending and catering. Although I wasn’t able to devote as much time to my meditation practice and spiritual pursuits as I wanted, I was still having many many paranormal experiences and going out of my body often. The house we had decided to purchase was 130 years old and came with an energy all its own, but I’ll save those stories for another post.  It was during one of these out of body experiences around 2010 that I found myself floating on the ceiling of my bed room. I slowly drifted through the roof and up out over the buildings, up into the sky and out into the atmosphere. I was drifting peacefully and really enjoying the view of Earth from space when I came upon what I can only describe as a fleet of orbiting ships. I can’t remember exactly how many ships there were but I do remember thinking “My god, there are so many ships. And just right here beyond our atmosphere. How do we not see them all here?!” As I was remarking to myself in astonishment, one of the ships cloaked itself and disappeared. I remember them looking very much like the Klingon Birds of prey, not exactly like them but having the same downward facing wings. I thought, “This is unbelievable! Is this really happening? Who are they?” I hovered there for a little while and then floated out into space. The experience left me with the stronger sense of a feeling I had had for years… that we are being watched. That I was being watched and they knew that I knew. But being watched by whom? There are so many possible answers to that question, too many to list and they aren’t all alien that’s for sure.

In the summer of 2012, we decided to spend the weekend of July 4 out in the country with some friends. Little did I know, as we leisurely drove through the rolling hills that it would turn out to be such a profound experience, and that one little teasing remark would hold great truth. “Wouldn’t it be just absolutely fantastic if we saw a UFO while we’re out here?! You know that’s when they usually show up right? When your alone in the middle of nowhere”, I said to my friend Diane. “Keep your “people” away from me!” she snapped. Now by this time I had told a few people about my experiences and Diane was one of them. “Oh I’m just kidding. Nothing’s going to happen while we’re out here, but it’d be really cool if it did.” I said.

By the time we arrived at our destination, said our Hellos, started the grill and cracked open our beers I had forgotten all about my teasing remarks in the car and any thoughts of UFOs. Our night was very mellow and very normal. Just three couples catching up on our lives, eating dinner and sitting around the fire relaxing. We were even in bed fairly early that night. Our friends Heather and Dan live in a cute little house in a rural county about 40 minutes south of us, and it’s dark out there. Real dark. So there’s no light pollution to keep you up late. We retired to one of the spare bed rooms around midnight and drifted off to sleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night I was woken up with the urge to pee, so I went out into the hall and saw a light on in the living room. Heather was up sitting on the couch and I went over to chat with her. “What are you doing up so late?” I asked. “I couldn’t sleep, so I came out here to read. I didn’t want to wake Dan,” She answered. “Oh right,” I said looking out the window. “Boy is it dark out there.” As I looked through the glass I started to notice a small light in the sky. At first I thought it was a star but it kept getting bigger and brighter. As the light grew larger, Heather and I opened the door and went out onto the dark lawn to get a better look. When we looked up into the sky I realized it was a ship of some kind and it was coming straight for the very place we were standing. “Oh shit!” I said nervously. “Get back in the house Heather!” “What is it?” she said locking the door. “I think it’s a UFO,” I said. “Wait, what?” She asked frightened. “Why would it come here?”  I looked over at her and said “I think I accidentally invited it”.

We both stood there just frozen looking at the door, when there came a knocking. I looked over at Heather. She was scared. “Don’t answer it!” I didn’t move. Again there came the knocking. “Look,” I said seriously. “I’ve got to answer it. They’re not going to go away until we find out what they want and anyway, they’ll come in if they want to regardless.” I took a deep breath, walked over and nervously opened the door. One by one they filed in about 10 in number. They were about 3 and ½ feet tall and dressed in light brown work uniforms with matching “communist military” style caps. They were giving me a real UPS guy vibe. There were name tags of some sort pinned to there shirts, but I don’t recall what they said. Their faces were human, but something wasn’t quite right about them. I looked over at Heather as they gathered around me. She was sitting on the couch in what looked like a daze. The leader was standing closest to me and I looked down at him. “What are you doing here?” I asked. “You called us here,” He replied. “Yeah I guess I did, but I didn’t think you’d show up and I was half joking.” I said in surprise. He was carrying a clip board in one hand and a what looked like a stack of paper work. “You have a contract with us.” He explained unfolding a very long piece of paper. “See,” pointing at the bottom of the paper, “here’s your signature.” I bent down and picked up the end of the contract and looked at the signature. Sure as shit, there was my signature and for some reason I wasn’t surprised to see it there. It looked to be written in blood. Not real blood exactly, and i don’t know how i know this, but the illusion of blood to convey the importance and gravity of the signature. “OK.” I said. “Where did you come from?”

The leader went on to explain to me that they were from Mars originally, but not currently inhabiting it. They had destroyed their planet with warfare and showed me a vision of what looked like nuclear explosions and destruction leaving the planet lifeless. A few of them had escaped on ships before the ultimate destruction. They were very ashamed of what they had done to their planet and had much regret. When he was done recounting his peoples story, I looked at the leader and said, “Your faces don’t seem quite right. Is that what you really look like because I don’t think that’s what you really look like.” He shook his head no. “We didn’t want to frighten you.” He said. “Our faces will scare you. We were genetically disfigured and altered from destruction on our planet”. “Its ok,” I said. “I want to see the real you. Please show me. I won’t be scared.”. At that, he waved his hand over his face in a motion that half resembled taking off a physical mask and half like removing a glamour to reveal his true face. The sight was jarring to say the least. I was taken very aback. The head was very round like a basketball and covered with what looked like red muscle. The nose was just two holes and the mouth a small lipless slit, like they had been burned or melted off. The eyes were huge and round like grapefruits. And they were as black and shiny as obsidian. The whole picture was quite unnerving and very reminiscent of a burn victim minus the huge black eyes. “Wow” I said, “I can imagine why you keep that under wraps.” “It’s a reminder of our past mistakes,” he replied. At this statement I knew our visit was over and I followed them out to the lawn as they boarded their silver saucer shaped craft.

“I have a package for Ms Gellner-Lane. Sign here please.”

As I watched their ship start to take off one minute, I was in my bed the next waking with what I can only refer to as the most insane spring that propelled me out of bed like a fucking rocket ship! I liken it to the scene in Bram Stokers Dracula when Gary Oldman comes shooting out of his coffin. I literally flew to the window, threw back the curtains and peered out the pane expecting to see the ship or at least a large light in the sky. There was nothing. My heart was racing. The hair all over my body was standing on end. Was that a dream? A fucking dream?! There’s no way I thought. There’s no way that that was just a dream. I was so freaked out I started shaking and tried to wake up my husband to no avail. I reluctantly went into the hall way. All the lights were off and Heather was nowhere in sight. I dipped into the bathroom for one of the most uneasy pees of my life and then got back into bed. I didn’t sleep for the rest of the night.

When morning came and everyone was up enjoying breakfast I looked over at Heather and asked, “Hey, did you get up in the middle of the night and go into the living room to read?” “No,” she said, “Why?” “Any strange dreams?” I replied. “No,” she said puzzled. “Oh ok, I must have dreamt you got up.” I said dismissively, and left it at that. When we were leaving to go home I looked down at the lawn where the ship would have been, hoping, praying for some evidence that would validate the past nights experience. There was nothing. Not ever a blade of grass was out of place.

Now some of you will say it was just a dream brought on by my frequent reading and over active imagination, and I understand why you would come to that conclusion. However, I assure you I know the difference. I dream all the time, regular dreams, lucid dreams, past life dreams. THIS, wasn’t a dream. Was it a physical interaction? I don’t know. An astral interaction? Maybe. I can’t really know for sure. The multi-dimensional nature of these beings and phenomena makes it that much more complicated and hard to pin down. I have yet to be regressed on this incident but it is on my list of things to do. Unfortunately, it paled in comparison to what came next and got pushed down to the bottom of the Crazy shit happening list. Enter the Integraton.

*Some names have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.

Greetings: Part one.

 

As I begin to type these words, I can’t help but feel the anxiety welling up from the pit of my stomach. I just finished my dinner and I’m really regretting that I waited to start this post until after I ate because I’m terribly nauseated by the thought of sharing the words I will soon be typing. I’m not really interested in revisiting that subpar lentil pasta I made myself for dinner. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of ridicule. I’m afraid of judgment. I’m afraid people will think I’m crazy, and frankly I’m afraid my in-laws will read this.

Last August, I shut the door to one of the most challenging, difficult and stressful chapters of my life. The restaurant I owned with my husband for nearly five years closed. It was an incredibly rewarding and humbling experience, but honestly I was relieved it was over. I knew halfway in that I had made a huge personal mistake. I couldn’t stay in the restaurant business forever and be happy. It was never my dream to be a restaurant owner, but it was my husband’s dream and I wanted to be supportive. Having been in the business for so long, it seemed like the right thing to do and I wanted him to live his truth. It was important for me to see him fulfill the natural progression of his career as a great chef. When we closed the doors, I promised myself I would start living my truth as well. I would never again do myself the disservice of not following my dreams and would walk a path that had been calling me since I was young.

 I’ve always been attracted to the unknown, supernatural, and spiritual, and it has always been attracted to me. Since I started having paranormal experiences in my early teens, which I touched on lightly a few posts ago, I have known I would follow that path into a career eventually. Even though I got sidetracked by the food world for some time (18 years), my close friends and family always encouraged me to keep on that path. I had been reading Tarot on the side as a serious hobby for years but never really knew how to turn it into a career. About a year into the restaurant I decided I would get my reiki master/teacher and past life regression certification and open a small part time business so I could at least put one foot on the path. It was about that time that my mom also encouraged me to start writing down my experiences, so I started this terribly neglected blog and began to dip my toes in the water.

In my previous posts I expanded a little on some of the “paranormal” experiences I’ve had and alluded to some contact with what I can only suspect are extraterrestrials. Which brings me back to the purpose of this post and the root of my anxiety. We can all talk about seeing, hearing and feeling spirits until we’re blue in the face and people will listen on bated breath just chomping at the bit to tell you about their haunted house or their grandmother’s psychic abilities. But the moment you start telling people you’ve talked to “aliens,” you’re fucking looney toons, skipping down the yellow brick road to Wooville. Now, I haven’t been exactly quiet about these experiences but publishing them on the internet for the whole world to potentially see is a whole other thing. I’ve discussed them with a few close friends and family. The bottom line is this… I’m pretty sure I’m a contactee. I mean I think I am. All I know is someone is contacting me and they sure as hell look a lot like Aliens. Are they Aliens? I don’t know, but here’s my story. I’ll try to make it not sound insane, though honestly I’m not sure that’s possible. Of course, it could also be totally boring too, depending on the reader.

When I was three years old I had a very odd and out of character dream for a toddler. I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in a spacious room in a large metal craft and this craft was travelling through space. The room had what looked like a lot of medical type equipment in it and I was looking down at a large metal table. On the table was a humanoid being of some sort. The being was tall, hairless and dark brown with very wrinkly and leathery skin. It had a large fatty looking nose that hung down low on the face like a proboscis monkey. I knew this being was male, old and dead, and I was tasked with preforming an exam or autopsy of sorts. I felt like a doctor or what I thought a doctor was. I remember being very sad because he was someone I loved. I knew him as a “grandfather” and I was like him. I was a tall, hairless male with wrinkly dark brown skin and a large nose too. There were more of “our people” around me on the ship, aiding me and also grieving. I’ll never forget that “dream,” and my mother confirmed it for me years later. She said she was floored by my retelling of the dream because I was so little and hadn’t been exposed to anything like that in my short life. She remembers one detail I don’t though, apparently I said the “grandfather” had died of cancer.

Growing up, I always remembered this dream but there was nothing “alien” about it to me. I never associated the memory with UFOs or extraterrestrials of any kind. It was always just a dream I had had. Not scary or bad, just sad. I just had the feeling I had lost someone I knew and that I had been someone else. I had that feeling many times as a child. I remember staring at myself in the mirror at seven years old and thinking “who are you? Whose face is this?” I didn’t recognize myself. I thought, “how is this me?”

It wasn’t until I was older and started reading about abduction experiences that I realized the craft from my dream felt a whole lot like a UFO or an alien craft. This revelation frightened me because I was terrified of aliens from the age of 10 on. And I mean paralyzing fear! I came to know this not from watching Star Trek which I loved, or talking with my dad about the probability of life on other planets, which really excited me. I came to know this while innocently browsing our bookshelf one day in 1990. I pulled out a small paper back and looked at the cover. What I saw there gave me an intense visceral reaction. It literally struck fear into my heart. It was an artistic rendering of a Grey Alien and the book was Whitley Strieber’s Communion. Thinking about that cover now still makes me shiver. That face, those large black mesmerizing eyes and the cruel tiny mouth… ugh.

From then on I always associated all aliens as Greys. And if Communion wasn’t enough, the film Fire in the Sky came out a few years later and really pushed me over the edge. Aliens became a no go zone. I tried as hard as I could to put them out of my mind. Oddly enough it never occurred to me that they couldn’t be real. They were TOO real and I didn’t want to have anything to do with them. In my teens when I started studying reincarnation and the teachings of Edgar Cayce, I just couldn’t understand how they fit into my narrow view. It wasn’t until I read Robert Monroe’s Far Journeys in 1999 that I was open to trying to understand how and where they fit into my shallow understanding of the universe and spirituality. That book really pushed me into a paradigm shift. I thought I was so open minded back then, and it shattered my world. From that moment on, I dove head first into the world of Aliens, UFOs and everything I could get my hands on related to the subject. The spiritual experiences, the UFO nuts and bolts info, the abduction stories, the conspiracy theories, disclosure, alien ancestry, the high strangeness etc. I was hooked, I was obsessed. It was like an old friend came back into my life and all the fear fell away. Well not exactly… I was still afraid of those little grey bastards. 

Nope.

In my early 20s my “paranormal and spiritual” experiences really started ramping up when I moved to Richmond Virginia. I was reading and studying a lot, focusing on my psychic development but I was also drinking, smoking and partying more than I should have been. It was around that time I decided to go for a past life regression. I was really excited to see what might come up because I had had what I thought were some pretty intense dream memories over the years. I searched the internet for a practitioner whose name I can’t remember, and made an appointment. Looking back, I really kick myself for not asking her to record the session and I find it a little strange she didn’t offer. It’s a pretty standard part of most practitioner’s repertoire in my opinion, but regardless I don’t have any documentation of what occurred so you’ll have to take my word for it like all of these posts. Even if I did have a recording it would still be a hard pill for most to swallow.

The regression appointment started off pretty normal as far as I could tell. The business was on the top floor of a chiropractor’s office. It was a cute little old house turned into a commercial space. The office was clean and comfortable. It was larger than I expected and had many windows so the space was full of sunshine. The regressionist was an attractive middle aged woman who was very friendly and inviting. We chatted briefly as she directed me to lay on a massage table and get comfortable. I don’t remember exactly how the induction went but I believe it was similar to a guided meditation as most of them are. As I lay there relaxing I remember thinking how silly I felt. I wasn’t really feeling anything or feeling “regressed” for that matter. I was relaxed though and tried to just fall into the experience. Eventually I started seeing colors and patterns. I could still hear the woman’s voice and I was still very much in reality. Then my body started to sort of go sleepy even though my mind was awake. A picture started to gradually form in my mind. At this point I vaguely remember the regressionist prompting me to tell her what I saw. The picture was still a little blurry and confusing, and then all of a sudden it wasn’t. All at once, there staring down at me was the face of what looked like an alien.

The face was very Grey-like, but softer and somehow more benign looking. The same large elongated oval face was present but the skin was more light tan than grey. The eyes were large and almond shaped but more human, although I don’t recall seeing an iris or a pupil. There was a small nose and a tiny mouth. Communication was telepathic. This being, who I somehow knew was female, greeted me with a feeling of love and remembrance. It was a sort of “welcome back” feeling. I was told in so many words that I wasn’t currently fulfilling my appropriate tasks. I was being waylaid too much by my current want to party and drink all the time after work. At one point I remember seeing here long fingered hand pointing down at me shaking “tsk tsk little one.” It was less judgment and more of a gentle reminder but I got the message loud and clear. I wasn’t exactly sure what my path was supposed to be, but I knew it didn’t include my current cigarette and Irish whiskey habit. I was then shown a vision of a planet with two suns. A sparse place with large spired buildings. At this point I don’t remember much more of the regression except for one exceptional moment, which is why that recording would have been crucial! At one point towards the end I remember the being telling me she was going to zap my body with some sort of energy. I remember the feeling being so intense that I was going to vibrate out of my skin! Without prompting the regressionist said loudly said “Whoa, can you feel that?!” I said, “yes, they just zapped me with something.”

 When the session was over and I groggily sat back up, I remember looking over at the regressionist and seeing a look of shock and awe on her face. I asked her, “did you feel that energy they hit me with it?” She said, “yes it was palpable.” She went on to tell me nothing had ever happened to her like that in a session before and she kindly and quickly ushered me out the door. I remember just sitting in my car in the parking lot trying to process what had happened. Was that real? Because it was pretty fucking crazy even by Tiffany standards. I had peered into the rabbit hole, and the rabbit had been peering back.

*Some names have been changed to protect the anonymity of those involved.